Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (8 Viewers)

[Deleted member 74]

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[dark_tranquility]

My mind trails off when I do not want it to
I feel so powerless

 

[Harmony_Starz]

I never posted here, never thought I would, never thought I would need to but I feel sad and don't know who to tell so Imma just leave it here, it feels like telling someone without bothering anyone at the same time.

a few days ago, a user was talking about their daughter and it made me super upset because they had such a close relationship and she had big dreams and could achieve them, it made me sad because I never have someone irl for me to be myself with, I only have my uncle and our relationship is really dead, I just hide everything including my true personality. I am homeschooled and dont get to go out so I cant make any friends. I wonder sometimes what type of person my uncle thinks I am because it would be so far from the reality. it hurts me that I have no one to share things with.

I find a meme or smth funny? its kept to myself
I find a cool interesting post? keep it to myself
I enjoy kpop- kept to myself
I enjoy Anime- kept to myself
All my online accounts - kept to myself
my music and favorite songs- kept to myself
my dreams- kept to myself
My want to try Singing/dancing- kept to myself
I really love horror- kept to myself
so many more things- kept to myself

I love plushies, I want affection/cuddles (not from him, he made it all weird now), I enjoy praise when I have accomplished smth nice, I want to watch Kpop vareity shows, I want to watch youtubers, I want to play games, I want to go outside and so much more

none of these things he knows about. how do u live with someone and know next to nothing about them? I remember watching through the window as our neighbours child came out to put her shoes on, she was about 2-3 and put on her own shoes, her father praised her so much and I cried, it made me so sad, why did she get so much praise for something so simple and I rarely did?

there are so many times I cry because I want to have irl friends, I want affection, I want someone to share things with, I want someone who lets me be me. no one online can ever understand me as well as an irl person and I won't get to have that person in my life for years.

 

[dark_tranquility]

The only way out is forward and not back.

 

[owo]

Spoiler

theres been way too much noise in my life recently. its none stop since the end of december. neighbors every directions. music music stomping. fucking the dumbest shit every in the middle of the fucking night. cars blasting radios in the middle of the fucking night. the compressor pissing me off more and more because of the excessive noise. fucking noise
im at my limit
i am this close to seriously causing harm.
MAKE IT STOP PLEASE FOR FUCK SAKE. NON STOP EVERY DAY IT NEVER ENDS. IM GOING KMS

im having panic attacks on a weekly basis because of this im damn losing control.
how can it be so hard to be a decent fucking neighbor at MIDNIGHT. i HAVE to "tolerate" it during the day (i cant) but i have to put up with it. whatever. but at night PLEASE STOP.

its not just noise to me its a nightmare when you have misophonia, autism, and anxiety. i feel like im this close to just ending it all to make it stop. why does it never end when can i have peace.

ive reported it many times. nothings gonna happen. theres only two ways out in my eyes.

i cant live in my own room how is the noise only ever present when im in my ROOM. IN MY BED. it feels like a TARGET.

 

[dark_tranquility]

I wish I was a stronger persom

 

[dark_tranquility]

I feel so depressed and paranoid

 

[doll]

Spoiler: tw suicide, ed

why do i live? i hate living. i hate the good days because the bad days are always horrible, gut wrenching.
i hate it so much.
i pray to a god i dont believe in, I PRAY TO SOMEONE I DONT BELIEVE IN BECAUSE I AM SO DESPERATE
why am i alive why do i do anything i do
why is everything always my fault
why do the problems always come back to me? why am i always the problem? why am i a fucking idiot?
i thought i was finally getting my life together, i thought i thought why do i even think
i want to put a bullet in my brain
i dont want to think anymore
i cant eat i am so afraid of gaining weight, im so afraid of being ugly
i care so much about what other people it makes me want to die
i was sobbing on my knees, begging you to kill me because i hate living so much
god please kill me im too afraid to do it myself im sorry im a coward why am i so scared now? it was never a problem then, why wont i do it now?
why didnt i do it then??? god please god why why why
why
i dont deserve any of this please i dont want this i cant do this anymore please

 

[dark_tranquility]

my headspace all over the shop

 

[dark_tranquility]

I hate this feeling a lot.

 

[BlingyBlinger]

I don't know how long I can continue like this. The thought of waking up to another day of pain feels me with dread. I can't even look forward to things any more. I'm trying so hard to keep going just a little longer until maybe we can get an answer but at the same time what if there is no fixing this? What if they never figure it out? Or even worse, we know but there's nothing to help. I'm desperate for just a day without this agony again

 

[noctis]

im convinced my mom hates me. im convinced my whole family hates me.

 

[noctis]

im convinced my mom hates me. im convinced my whole family hates me.

my heart is beating so fast

 

[noctis]

my heart is beating so fast

im gonna go cry about it.

 

[noctis]

my family doesn't care about me

 

[noctis]

im gonna stop trying, im stopping here

 

[dark_tranquility]

to infinity and beyond.

And suck.

 

[Deleted member 74]

~

 

[Deleted member 74]

~

 

[doll]

why do I even try with you?
all you are is a junkie, you come and go when you please
but its not your fault, because I let you come back.