I hate that where you live decides so much of what you can and cannot do in life. I hate that countries are run by absolutely corrupt individuals who are too prideful and stubborn to work together for good. I hate that some people grow up in environments and around people that are so horrible that they grow up to become evil themselves. I hate it when all three of these things converge and conspire to ruin your life. Why can't all countries be havens of peace and tolerance. Why can't we all live to a higher standard. Why must there be war and prejudice and hate. Why must their be fear and no-win scenarios.
*sighs and replays that one video with a dog chilling in a hammock to restore my sanity*
I hate New Years. It's just like a reminder of how time has passed. It makes me think even more of all of the worst times of my past and how much I've had to leave behind. It makes me think of so many people I've lost and every person I've disappointed. I can never move forward when every year this time comes around to remind me of all of the things I don't want to recall. It reminds me now of how it's literally almost been a year since my best friend died. So much has occurred and will occur in the future and I hate it. It's like a horrible loop. I hate change and the future coming but I also hate thinking about certain moments in my past. These past 2, almost 3 years now, have brought the most change in my life and the most pain. I don't know what is holding me here anymore. I fail at everything I do and every attempt to fix the bad things about myself end in more failure. I try so hard to be happy and move on from my past, but it's almost too difficult. I know there are things to live for in my life but they don't even seem to mean anything anymore. I can't forget about it all for even a second. The scars ever present all over me don't help that either. I guess I should just take a break from everything, maybe if I could just sleep I could feel better. I'm just so exhausted... ugh
I'm sorry you feel this way. Please remember that nothing is eternal and that can be both a good and a bad thing... if you keep trying, you will succeed and if you just keep living, good things will surely happen. We're here for you, you're not alone in this.... <3