i feel nervous
because..i distanced myself from family, and i finally got out of an isolated state. you know i did not know how to hold basic conversation until highschool?...actually not fully true. when i was little up until about age 6 i was very social...but then we got isolated, and i lost this. like literally, the only way i knew to keep talking in my first year of highschool was direct question and answer format... I hadn't experienced any interaction and the one thing you always know will get a response is a question.. so thats all i did. and when you first get to meet someone thats okay....but you cannot maintain that for more than a few meet ups before its tiring or completely exhausted. even now, though I have more interests and more experiences and more things to talk about, i still have such a narrow experience database.....that I find myself worrying about how much more stuff i have left to say before the conversation awkwardly stops. I have taken up the habit of mimicking people too because the best way to distract from a lack of substance is to copy. I'm a good chameleon in this way.
As i learn how to renavigate basic social norms, i find more opportunities to become available to me, I have more options. but the thing is while im getting better, while i've finally gained confidence, learned who i am what i think and feel about the world. i know im not nearly as well rounded or developed as most of my peers...and that there's so many areas i dont even know im weak in until, one day in that job interveiw or that work scenario it will be opened up and it will be something so basic, but completely foreign to me and I will mess it up. Thats my greatest fear right now. I've gained a lot of confidence and grown so much, but knowing that i will have difficulty in holding down jobs or even in my education right now, i feel like there's some basic things, that i learned, but because of personal life stress i could not retain. Im afraid of not passing my education, or losing a job, because i know so little still about most adult things. I know how to take care of myself, but how taxes or any legal more formal stuff i have had zero experience and dont know anyone (close enough) to me who does to ask.