Official ✯ ✵ Mental Health Support✯ ✵ (6 Viewers)

[potato]

Lol know what sucks is when you can tell your not wanted in your friend group. I texted my friend on Snapchat 2 hours ago and she won’t even up it but she’ll text on the group chat. I checked when she was last active on the map and it says she’s on right now. Another friend gives me that feeling she’s doesnt like me because I’ll talk to her and she’ll look at me and then turn around. Only one friend is normal but we’re not really close lol. They’ll only talk to me when they don’t have anybody else to talk to. I want to make friends who want me around but I only to a school of 200 students, 30 each class so I can’t. I feel like crying right now. I also have and had high anxiety lately so I’m overthinking a lot of stupid stuff that won’t happen. They all act like nothings happening though so I can’t tell if I’m overthinking

that must feel terrible :( If they continue acting like that, then they're probably not very nice people and you don't deserve such mean friends. Even if it's a small school, I'm sure you'll find someone who cares about you more than they do. Maybe try getting closer with the friend you don't feel as close to at the moment? Maybe even give your close friends some time and they might tell you if there is anything wrong. i wish you the best <3

Well I don’t feel that good recently. I really need to have some affection ... hugs or whatever would help me to feel better

*hugs you and doesn't stop*

 

[potato]

 

[Willow]

why do you wanna wamr your hands tho? it's okay to be a vampire

Vampire 😂😂😂😂

 

[BlackpinkINSync]

I feel so paranoid and anxious when going to the shops here.
And voices telling me not to talk to anyone.

Sometimes I feel like listening to those voices, even though I know they are wrong.
I am suffocating within myself and the pain is unbearable.

And family doesn't want a bar of it. I want to talk to them about it so bad, but they just fail to understand.

 

[kodoku]

I feel so paranoid and anxious when going to the shops here.
And voices telling me not to talk to anyone.

Sometimes I feel like listening to those voices, even though I know they are wrong.
I am suffocating within myself and the pain is unbearable.

And family doesn't want a bar of it. I want to talk to them about it so bad, but they just fail to understand.

that's awful, i'm so sorry .. i hope there will be someone irl you can talk to ..

 

[BlackpinkINSync]

that's awful, i'm so sorry .. i hope there will be someone irl you can talk to ..

Just doctors and not any other people really.
Such a depressing existence.

family wants nothing to do with it
and friends, well I don't talk to my friends much about it.

So I guess it's just me alone, as usual.

 

[kodoku]

Just doctors and not any other people really.
Such a depressing existence.

family wants nothing to do with it
and friends, well I don't talk to my friends much about it.

So I guess it's just me alone, as usual.

i hope the doctors at least help.... and sigh i guess it's too hard for them to deal with it which is ofc not so fair to you.. :((

 

[BlackpinkINSync]

i hope the doctors at least help.... and sigh i guess it's too hard for them to deal with it which is ofc not so fair to you.. :((

They help a lot more than my parents can. Sometimes I think I was born into the wrong family.
But even then, the doctors just make my mental health issues more apparent. :(

Oh well, still stuff in my life to look forward to, even if it's very minimal.

 

[BlackpinkINSync]

So many nightmares and not enough time to look into them all.
I just my dreams and reality could be separate for once

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

"So what does it feel like... You know... To hate your nationality, your race... your ethnicity? I mean, isn't that kind of extreme?"

"It is. And there aren't any words in any languages alive or extinct to explain it. I suppose one could say, though, that it's like being in the cockpit of a robot that's trapped in a hangar with nowhere to go, but with a rather tempting big red self-destruct button on the console."

"That's... all rather extreme, don't you think? You know you won't ever be able to change at least two of those things about your identity, so why wallow in it? Wouldn't your time better be spent learning how to accept and love who you are? I see only a life of bitterness ahead of you, my friend. A sapling of contempt that will soon grow into the tree of hatred."

"Yeah... Yeah, you're right. I know you're right. There is wisdom in your words."

"But?"

"But the tree of hatred is what I'm destined to become."

"But to grow old hating the very skin that you live in, feeling upset at the very people like you, your culture, your history--"

"I don't care."

"You'll never be happy this way. Every time you look in the mirror--"

"I'll hate myself. So be it."

"My point... is that your life... It's not going to be a good one, my friend. You can continue trying your hardest to forcibly adopt yourself into a new race, a new ethnicity, a new nationality... But that will never be you. Not even your nationality. Not fully at least. Continue to hate who you are. But this is how you were born. This is your life. And I just don't want to see my friend waste it by hating it. By hating herself. By wanting to fall asleep and never wake up. That's all."

"Are you done?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm done."

"Hold me."

"What?"

"Just.. hold me. Please. And don't let go. Not for a very long time."

"O-of course, I-- Oh! Okay... Okay, shh... Shh... It'll be okay. It'll be okay. I promise. Everything will be okay... I've got you, my friend..."

"I don't want to be me. I hate my identity. I don't want it. Make it go away. Make it all burn. Let me be someone new. Please... Take me away to the foreign land. Let me wear their dress. Let me speak their tongue. Let me dance their dance, and sing their song, and feast on their food, and walk their streets, and live their life..."

"I... can't... I'm... I'm so sorry, my friend. So truly sorry."

"Then... Then just hold me..."

"Of course... Always.

Spoiler

aw bestie *hugs*

So many nightmares and not enough time to look into them all.
I just my dreams and reality could be separate for once

that's awful, I'm sorry :((

 

[BlackpinkINSync]

that's awful, I'm sorry :((

It's okay. I am gonna speak to my doctor about it, next I see her.
I was on such a good run too, then like usual. It crumbles...

Question existence. that's what I do about it now.
The voices are lesser if anything good out of it.
The hullcinations I have are worse than ever unfortunately.

 

[kddicted]

Spoiler

To be honest, it's not something I thought about just once or twice, even three times. I think of it as waiting at an abandoned train station, I don't know whether to get up and finally leave it behind, or stay. I have this life where the few people I love are more important than myself. It's almost funny how hard I try to create purpose to fill this void, but I am still such a lonely and empty person. I always wished I was the type of person who cried more. When I think about it, the more I scream it out, the worse it feels. I don't want to point the finger at myself, but who is there to point at? This is just how I feel, and I don't know what will put an end to it. Maybe the only way is to just live and try to cope for me, but I don't see the point of my life. Why was I put here if I was going to be like this? I come from a religious family who believes everything is written beforehand by God, and I think about it often. If it was written, then why am I here? I've planned this down to how it will happen, thought about my funeral and how it would be. Saying it feels unbelievable to myself, it's been unsaid for so long. If I ever die on my own terms, there would never be a good enough reason for it or a long letter. I hate myself for that.

For being so useless in this life, such a question mark. Why are you here? Why do you want to die? Both questions are a question mark for me. The only reason I've held on up to now is because of my family and coping mechanisms I've used to pass time. Because of my fear. I've thought and said it so many times, a soul like mine just wasn't meant to exist. My life isn't bad at all, nor am I a truly bad person now that I think about it. I'm 18, and have no reason or worth for being in this world, no reason for living to the age I'm at now after 7 years. Inside of my mind, is darkness and emptiness, a cold and lonely place I can't see myself sitting inside until I'm 30, because I don't want to see myself living beyond that, just for the sake of people around me. I wonder if they know how much I want to let it go. If they said it's okay, you can go now, I would go in a heartbeat. I know in my heart that I'll end up leaving regardless..

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler

To be honest, it's not something I thought about just once or twice, even three times. I think of it as waiting at an abandoned train station, I don't know whether to get up and finally leave it behind, or stay. I have this life where the few people I love are more important than myself. It's almost funny how hard I try to create purpose to fill this void, but I am still such a lonely and empty person. I always wished I was the type of person who cried more. When I think about it, the more I scream it out, the worse it feels. I don't want to point the finger at myself, but who is there to point at? This is just how I feel, and I don't know what will put an end to it. Maybe the only way is to just live and try to cope for me, but I don't see the point of my life. Why was I put here if I was going to be like this? I come from a religious family who believes everything is written beforehand by God, and I think about it often. If it was written, then why am I here? I've planned this down to how it will happen, thought about my funeral and how it would be. Saying it feels unbelievable to myself, it's been unsaid for so long. If I ever die on my own terms, there would never be a good enough reason for it or a long letter. I hate myself for that.

For being so useless in this life, such a question mark. Why are you here? Why do you want to die? Both questions are a question mark for me. The only reason I've held on up to now is because of my family and coping mechanisms I've used to pass time. Because of my fear. I've thought and said it so many times, a soul like mine just wasn't meant to exist. My life isn't bad at all, nor am I a truly bad person now that I think about it. I'm 18, and have no reason or worth for being in this world, no reason for living to the age I'm at now after 7 years. Inside of my mind, is darkness and emptiness, a cold and lonely place I can't see myself sitting inside until I'm 30, because I don't want to see myself living beyond that, just for the sake of people around me. I wonder if they know how much I want to let it go. If they said it's okay, you can go now, I would go in a heartbeat. I know in my heart that I'll end up leaving regardless..

Spoiler

ah little sis, how do you speak so sincerely and beautifully... you always reach my heart, you always say the things I feel too... you're wise beyond your years, and beautiful and special beyond what most people's eyes seem to be able to see. It seems that sometimes the best people are carrying this incurable and hopeless numb sadness.. I think that maybe it's the price for you to pay for being so amazing, you know? and that's unfair, of course, that you have to go through all this without ever being able to see yourself as you truly are, as you are in my eyes... the best, purest kind of person .. even now, I don't have the answer. I wish I did, so I could share it with you and heal you, at least a bit... all I can do is pray for you, be there for you when I can, and try and believe that someday things will change for us... you're one in a million, truly <3

 

[kddicted]

Spoiler

ah little sis, how do you speak so sincerely and beautifully... you always reach my heart, you always say the things I feel too... you're wise beyond your years, and beautiful and special beyond what most people's eyes seem to be able to see. It seems that sometimes the best people are carrying this incurable and hopeless numb sadness.. I think that maybe it's the price for you to pay for being so amazing, you know? and that's unfair, of course, that you have to go through all this without ever being able to see yourself as you truly are, as you are in my eyes... the best, purest kind of person .. even now, I don't have the answer. I wish I did, so I could share it with you and heal you, at least a bit... all I can do is pray for you, be there for you when I can, and try and believe that someday things will change for us... you're one in a million, truly <3

Spoiler

Thank you big sis ♡ So are you, I hope we can both find our answers and healing one day

 

[honeyfornomoney]

Spoiler: Just getting this off my chst

The warm days just ended where I live and I got depressed again. Like, the weather is freezing and I just want to cry, getting angry and think dark stuff. The first time it happened was near the end of 2017 when my dog died and Jonghyun too a month later or so. Last year it was a close relative and recently my best friend too... Perhaps my brain has started associating coldness with those sad events? Anyway, I want to say that this time isn't as bad as 2017 and I can cope with it better ^^ At least it's not a 24/7 mood like before. But on the other hand, the urge to do something reckless has gotten stronger which is weird. I'm trying hard to stay strong and positive, my family and other friends are sad enough for our friend (who was like my sibling as we grew up together) and I can't afford to be an extra burden. But my thoughts can get to the point I just stop caring about how everyone else would feel and I just want to quit this game. I really can't allow myself to do this though, 2 would be too much. I promised myself I will stay safe, so I will be okay. I love myself. Just wanted to get this out of me.

 

[kodoku]

Spoiler: Just getting this off my chst

The warm days just ended where I live and I got depressed again. Like, the weather is freezing and I just want to cry, getting angry and think dark stuff. The first time it happened was near the end of 2017 when my dog died and Jonghyun too a month later or so. Last year it was a close relative and recently my best friend too... Perhaps my brain has started associating coldness with those sad events? Anyway, I want to say that this time isn't as bad as 2017 and I can cope with it better ^^ At least it's not a 24/7 mood like before. But on the other hand, the urge to do something reckless has gotten stronger which is weird. I'm trying hard to stay strong and positive, my family and other friends are sad enough for our friend (who was like my sibling as we grew up together) and I can't afford to be an extra burden. But my thoughts can get to the point I just stop caring about how everyone else would feel and I just want to quit this game. I really can't allow myself to do this though, 2 would be too much. I promised myself I will stay safe, so I will be okay. I love myself. Just wanted to get this out of me.

Spoiler

that's beautiful and you are amazing. I actually feel proud of you while reading this... but hey, don't be too strong.. it's okay, you're only human <3

 

[honeyfornomoney]

Spoiler

that's beautiful and you are amazing. I actually feel proud of you while reading this... but hey, don't be too strong.. it's okay, you're only human <3

Thank you <3

 

[Willow]

I don't feel that good recently ... I don't sleep well and I am always cold ...

 

[kodoku]

every time I go out and drink with my friends, I'm the annoying one

I feel bad for them, but honestly I wish they'd just be honest at this point and say "hey you're being annoying", instead we keep hanging out, I can't deny because that makes me look like an asshole and a recluse though to be honest I am a bit of the latter, and I also don't have self control, i do want to hang out with them so if they invite me I'll go, but then I'm the burden, the social boundary isn't clear, if they want to distance themselves from me , i understand why but I wish they'd just be upfront so that I can leave before I totally ruin my reputation in front of them

if they aren't saying anything, maybe you can calmly ask them? not when you're drinking ofc.. perhaps it sparks an honest conversation and maybe these issues even get solved. I wish you luck

I don't feel that good recently ... I don't sleep well and I am always cold ...

is there something in particular bothering you? maybe you should talk to your doctor, this might have a physical cause too

 

[Willow]

is there something in particular bothering you? maybe you should talk to your doctor, this might have a physical cause too

I have a low blood pressure ... But it doesn't explain everything I am suffering from recently